Christmas Musings

Two days until Christmas and I find myself remembering the Christmas' that have gone before. Christmas has always been a wonderful and joyous occasion in my family. Day's of celebration ensue, and family reunites from all sides of globe.
Recent years have not been as joyous, beginning in 2006 when my Pap died just before Christmas. Thinking back I barely even remember that year, it was so sad. Last year we were so caught up in getting things ready for and facilitating my aging family that we barely had time to enjoy the holiday. This year's been the worst though. My Grandpa passed away this year and this will be our first Christmas without him. On my Dad's side, my uncle has only a few more months left to live, my other grandpa, Papa as I call him (I have four sets of grandparent's if you're getting confused) is fading and this could easily be our last Christmas with him. Then there's my Nana who has Alzheimer's, which is so difficult for all of us, and so sad.
Being the youngest in my family had it's perks when I was little, but it's just hard now. All of my cousins have had my family for 30-47 years, then there's me, it's not fair that I got the short end because I was born 10 years to0 late.
All of the family difficulties have put such a strain on my parents, especially my father; he has aged more in the last year than he ever has. It's so hard to watch my parents change, and turn into elderly people. They've always been significantly older than other parents of kids my age, but they've never looked like it. Now, with all of the stress, they're starting to look and sometimes even act their ages.
It's hard to get into the Christmas spirit at times when these are the things weighing on my heart.
Life is changing, and sometimes I fear that I won't get to live my life because I'll be caring for my aging family, or even worse, I will be able to do whatever I chose because I won't have a family.
I know that the Lord is always there for me, He's guiding me and looking after me; I have nothing to fear, but I love my family and it's hard knowing life will never be the same again.